a Scarlet D

I hate it when I’m in my ketamine therapy and the soul-recharging dissociation crosses a line back into reality.

As I’ve described, at the bottom of the experience I feel like I’m at the atomic level, one with the universe, and all that. As the potency of the ketamine starts to soften, I start to come back “up” to reality. For a while I’m still convinced I’m in a simpler state. That everything is just a copy of everything, and the events that happen are simply repeating over and over. But as time goes by those events become more complicated, longer. At some point my perspective changes from that of something tiny that is part of a fabric of the world – and the new perspective is one of someone taking ketamine, aware that they are in a chair in a clinic.

And that’s the part I hate.

I keep my eyes closed and try to relax and enjoy the rest of the ride. But it’s not the same.