a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
Category: ketamine
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I hate it when I’m in my ketamine therapy and the soul-recharging dissociation crosses a line back into reality. As I’ve described, at the bottom of the experience I feel like I’m at the atomic level, one with the universe, and all that. As the potency of the ketamine starts to soften, I start to…
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Today I attend my last Day Program session. TMS has ended. Ketamine is back to maintenance. Recently I was attending 15 hours of therapies a week. And now I’m back to my personal Therapist, which is one hour a week. I do have ketamine biweekly yet, and I attend my face-it men’s depression and anxiety…
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I wrote down something my therapist said once. “Better sleep than death.” I’m pretty sure it was about my not being able to get out of bed all weekend. That’s pretty much every weekend now. And a lot of days after program, when I get home and I’m completely washed out I’ll just go to…
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I’ve always been deeply connected to music. Happy, sad, doesn’t matter. Something is playing. Depressive episodes are no exception. While I tend to play music until I’m sick of it, it goes doubly so for depression. I guess instead of getting sick of it, it tunnels it’s way into me, and the more I play…
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Just got out of ketamine and had a follow-up with psychiatrist at the treatment resistant depression clinic. He wasn’t suggesting I go inpatient, he was asking for a reason not to do it. I was honest with him and we eventually settled on me remaining at home with check-ins. But it was touch and go…
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But first, a quick update.. I’m told I’m doing better. I guess I can feel it. Makes the inside harder to deal with sometimes when the outside looks okay. Doing DBT, EMDR, Ketamine and regular therapy. VNS still zapping along. Mostly used to it, sometimes annoyed by it. Very often sounding like Saw Gerrera when…
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I added that stupid “Positive” section last post and I guess I have to keep up with it. I’d say it might be DBT. I’m not knowingly using tools yet, but when I have to report in I can usually find a couple that I did use. Happy?
a Scarlet D 