That’s a wrap. I’ve completed my last round of rTMS. I reread my first post on TMS and the first paragraph is pretty rough, but it’s also still pretty accurate. Today I nearly aced the depression inventory (not in a good way) and my tremor has blown into a full body quake at times. It’s…

They say journaling is therapeutic, so what the heck. And I haven’t managed to offend anyone yet. I love driving. Especially new and unknown roads. Ever since I got my license I’ve been drawn to the road, and there’s nothing like a good road trip. In high school we found a book from a local…

Without reason or cause, this has been one of the worst weeks of my life. Just because things have been building for a while. You want to know what depression is like? Here’s a quick (not really) sample. We’re not a Barcalounger family. We have a beautiful old craftsman house built in 1908, so we…

At least going to TMS has me showering every day. But it’s hard enough that I’m counting that as exercise.

This post is ridiculously late. I’m already past my halfway point in the treatments, but to be honest the depression has ripped my motivation out and replaced it with things like a “paint by number” app on my phone, or making endless tunnels in Terraria. Or just staring at walls. I’m zoning out a lot…

I am in my third week of the Partial Hospitalization Program, and things are heading in the right direction. Due to at least one med change, the anxiety has become a much quieter yelling in my head. But it’s not constant, and much of the time the anxiety is tied to something that should cause…

PHP, or Partial Hospitalization Program, is like inpatient treatment but you go home at the end of the day. Lasts from 10 to 15 days total usually. Due to COVID, it’s now virtual. Which is a shame because they had these awesome chairs: So it’s virtual, and the schedule is the same thing, check-in and…

So last Monday it all came to a head. I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist followed immediately by an appointment with my therapist. Wife came to both to help out. I had some pretty comprehensive notes so I wouldn’t forget anything. I had it broken into four sections: Physical, Work, Mental, and Suicidal Ideation.…

Let’s just say there should be a trigger warning on this post, and leave it at that. On March 1st or so, work ramped up. New partnership, new technologies, surge of customers, and the fact that our COVID business had been going full bore since last spring. These things all led up to a record…

So it’s been about a year since I “turned the corner” and really started to improve. I spent the lockdown and following time doing really well – dancing in the kitchen, doing crafts, going to the cabin and really enjoying it, etc. Being mindful, focusing on the moment, using my tools, and the after effects…