a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
Category: anxiety
-
Today I attend my last Day Program session. TMS has ended. Ketamine is back to maintenance. Recently I was attending 15 hours of therapies a week. And now I’m back to my personal Therapist, which is one hour a week. I do have ketamine biweekly yet, and I attend my face-it men’s depression and anxiety…
-
I feel like I’ve been crying for an hour. But I haven’t. It’s been a hard two hours. Day program, the education session. New facilitator, and he seems really cool. We connected over music, concerts, and his fascination with (my) home built boats. He’s a bit high energy, but so much more interesting than the…
-
I’ve always been deeply connected to music. Happy, sad, doesn’t matter. Something is playing. Depressive episodes are no exception. While I tend to play music until I’m sick of it, it goes doubly so for depression. I guess instead of getting sick of it, it tunnels it’s way into me, and the more I play…
-
It’s just turning into one big panic attack. Can’t breathe, anxious, worrying. Getting used to days where I don’t eat at all. Left (graduated?) the partial hospitalization program because it’s only 15 days long. I have transitioned into the day program. Tuesday Wednesday Thursdays from 12:30 to 3:00. For like, ever. Seems like a great…
-
Just got out of ketamine and had a follow-up with psychiatrist at the treatment resistant depression clinic. He wasn’t suggesting I go inpatient, he was asking for a reason not to do it. I was honest with him and we eventually settled on me remaining at home with check-ins. But it was touch and go…
-
My therapist thinks I should check myself into the hospital for safety. Complicated. Last time I was in was an anxiety nightmare. Pass. Was referred for more TMS, got denied today because last time it made my depression worse. Also the VNS is problematic with the magnetics. Refuse to do ECT if they offer it.…
-
The new PHP is going well. I’m getting something out of the group therapy sessions. I enjoy spending the time with people just as broken as me. Someone pointed out the other day that I appear to be running without filters or masks. I suppose they’re right. And it’s a bit refreshing. I’m still not…
-
That’s probably the best way to describe it. The fact that it makes no sense sets the tone. It used to be easy. Wallow in The Hole with my depression. Let anxiety put me in a cage that make me want to freak out. That feeds the depression etc and so forth. They were separate…
-
I realized it wasn’t hyperbole when I told my doctor that today was one of the worst days I can remember in years. I think it was the tears welling in my eyes. And I don’t do tears. A month of intensely stressful days at work on a large project that I feel partly responsible…
-
When I feel anger it’s like a fire has been suddenly lit. It simultaneously spreads from my head and my chest to envelop my whole being.
a Scarlet D 