a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
Category: depression
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Today I attend my last Day Program session. TMS has ended. Ketamine is back to maintenance. Recently I was attending 15 hours of therapies a week. And now I’m back to my personal Therapist, which is one hour a week. I do have ketamine biweekly yet, and I attend my face-it men’s depression and anxiety…
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I feel like I’ve been crying for an hour. But I haven’t. It’s been a hard two hours. Day program, the education session. New facilitator, and he seems really cool. We connected over music, concerts, and his fascination with (my) home built boats. He’s a bit high energy, but so much more interesting than the…
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I wrote down something my therapist said once. “Better sleep than death.” I’m pretty sure it was about my not being able to get out of bed all weekend. That’s pretty much every weekend now. And a lot of days after program, when I get home and I’m completely washed out I’ll just go to…
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Working on getting back to (fucked up) normal. Schedule sorted, still in all of my therapies, apartment tidied and (somewhat) repaired. Bruises and scabs multicolor ugly but fading, and I’ve actually eaten some meals. I was getting ready for my day, doing all the right things. Had time to enjoy my coffee, do my whole…
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(Sorry if you saw my posts from the past two days or so, while an interesting example of someone losing their mind, they had some spelling errors. And coherency issues.) A couple days ago was a milestone reminder (want to stop saying anniversary) and I invited Drunk Robert back to my place and the rest…
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This morning I’m really feeling it, and want to write about it. Waking up was hard as usual, getting out of bed took a few tries but eventually I slipped into the morning routine. Start coffee, lay out shower stuff, have OJ, grab coffee, start shower, etc. While I was in the shower the depression…
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The fact that I don’t tag these well makes this a lamely titled entry. It’s been a minute since I posted, and honestly it’s just the same old same old. I think I got a 26 on the PDQ-9, which ties a personal best. TMS hurts my head and my soul. Seriously it’s like tiny…
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Second week in on anything is usually not very newsworthy. I think this is worthy of a post. Also, I’m eating an eclair at one of my favorite shops and need to kill some time. The weekend was bad. I stayed in bed for most of it, just trying to escape. I remember a strong…
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I’ve always been deeply connected to music. Happy, sad, doesn’t matter. Something is playing. Depressive episodes are no exception. While I tend to play music until I’m sick of it, it goes doubly so for depression. I guess instead of getting sick of it, it tunnels it’s way into me, and the more I play…
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Quick catch up: TMS. Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. It’s classified in the “we don’t know how it works, but sometimes it does..” therapy line, but this time I’m doing it at the Treatment Resistant Depression clinic, and they have more scientists than the last place, and it feels much more like something they may actually understand.…
a Scarlet D 