a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
Category: Uncategorized
-
I wrote about drowning between therapy sessions. If I miss one, it’s very frustrating. It isolates me further and reminds me that a canceled appointment for anyone else is just that. (And my bad brain tells me I’m not important enough) Like a runner who paces themselves for a rest and reaches that rest exhausted,…
-
Friday, 2 hours of sleep. Saturday, hadn’t gotten to sleep until something before 5am. Woke up at 6:40pm. Couldn’t get out of bed until 8: 00. Crap. I just lost a day. slept 14? hours. This is unbearable. All I want is to not exist. Normally sleeping is my way of having that for a…
-
(I am fully aware that this reads like 7th grade angst poetry but I don’t have it in me to rewrite/edit.) It’s the time between distractions that’s the hardest. Between therapy, clinic, ketamine, dinner with friends. Those distract me from myself – thanks to friends. They distract me from my mind – thanks to ketamine.…
-
My psychiatrist helped me change my meds a bit because I wasn’t sleeping. She wanted me to go to sleep earlier, get up earlier, and be active during the day. So we increased the sleepy time med and we increased the stimulation med. Except I feel like it’s all gone south. Because I don’t sleep…
-
Stealing the title and just a bit of my content from my travel blog here. So if you’re reading this getting upset at my self plagiarism, just read on. It’ll get better. Or worse. On the 10,000 mile road trip I was lucky enough not to experience any tickets, breakdowns, or crashes. Settling back into…
-
I may not be Kerouac but I am indeed on the road. It’s been fun, exciting, tiring, surprising, spiritual, and tough. I was great until I got to two different cities where I had history. It was so nice to see them again and eat at restaurants I missed, and things like that. But I…
-
Work just couldn’t wait for me. They made it clear it wasn’t about me. It was about needing someone in the role. My team needed a leader. And I get that. While unemployment brings so many stressors, I have to admit I’m relieved. The stress there is what landed me in the pile of goop…
-
On the way back into one of our rooms at the Day Program, I noticed something on the white board next to the door. It’s my elephant. When the kids were little I came up with this elephant and a giraffe, and maybe a lion or something. Some doodle I could knock out in one…
-
I’m using WordPress for this site, and it’s served me fairly well. Unfortunately, it’s not organized well. There is the list of all posts but that’s just title vomit, and not much help for finding things. I *thought* I had been helping people by telling them to use the search function in the upper right…
-
In a post about a million years ago, I referenced something I call “Depression Porn” – I guess you could just say it would be media that’s triggering. After a productive day of being depressed, I thought I’d find a new movie that sounded interesting. A movie that’s been on my watch list has been…
a Scarlet D 