Category: Uncategorized
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I had a call with my psychiatrist today to catch up on meds after my trip. I’m all refilled up for three weeks, and back to where I was before my trip. (I had run out of a few things upon returning, so we’re stabilizing back to my current regimen.). This list is for your…
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This was supposed to be a tiny, short, brief note. RIP travel journal writing for the night Just watched Cast Away (two words), and like any mainstream movie there’s a lesson at the end, or some revelation or reconciliation. I connected with Tom Hanks because I feel like I’ve been a castaway for some years…
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Just another post of complaints. Getting tired of that, among other things. The med changes aren’t going well. I meet with the whole care team (GP included) this week and maybe we’ll sort it out. I don’t know or care so much anymore. Or I don’t know what to feel. The Mirapex has been a…
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Today made my top five worst days. That includes attempts, hospitalizations, and a brutal beating by drunk Robert. Like it takes a village to do some things, it takes many days to make a worst day. Like recent trends, this wasn’t a dramatic crisis. It was a building of horrible that reached a crescendo. Didn’t…
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It’s my blog I can cry if I want to. When it comes to my care stuff, I’m the teachers pet: Always early for appointments Can’t remember the last appointment I missed Take my meds religiously Take the meds that address the side effects of my other meds Take the meds that help me sleep…
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Earlier we increased the VNS to 1.5mA, which feels like a blunt knife held tight to my throat. Stabbing, really. Also, instant heartburn during the firing. Can’t remember if I already made this update, but it’s gotten a little better over the course of the week but not a ton. Increasing to 1.75mA on Monday,…
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I wrote about drowning between therapy sessions. If I miss one, it’s very frustrating. It isolates me further and reminds me that a canceled appointment for anyone else is just that. (And my bad brain tells me I’m not important enough) Like a runner who paces themselves for a rest and reaches that rest exhausted,…
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Friday, 2 hours of sleep. Saturday, hadn’t gotten to sleep until something before 5am. Woke up at 6:40pm. Couldn’t get out of bed until 8: 00. Crap. I just lost a day. slept 14? hours. This is unbearable. All I want is to not exist. Normally sleeping is my way of having that for a…
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(I am fully aware that this reads like 7th grade angst poetry but I don’t have it in me to rewrite/edit.) It’s the time between distractions that’s the hardest. Between therapy, clinic, ketamine, dinner with friends. Those distract me from myself – thanks to friends. They distract me from my mind – thanks to ketamine.…
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My psychiatrist helped me change my meds a bit because I wasn’t sleeping. She wanted me to go to sleep earlier, get up earlier, and be active during the day. So we increased the sleepy time med and we increased the stimulation med. Except I feel like it’s all gone south. Because I don’t sleep…
