As I mention in the About page, this is to record my journey. There are pages explaining everything up to now, but this is the first post in “realtime” and will be followed by posts as things happen, change, or I just feel like it. Monday I start ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) and I’m getting more…

There is a great writeup here, but here is my description of the difference. This is typical depression for me: Sometimes you wake up and it takes a moment to settle in, like a fog. Other days you wake up and feel as if you’ve been buried in it. It’s the thickness of the air…

Depression can be treated with meds, talk therapy, group therapy, homeopathic methods, etc. Many people who experience depression get better. For those of us with Treatment Resistant Depression, it just keeps coming back. Some episodes don’t just end. And medication may help some, but really doesn’t solve the problem. Here’s a great article from the…

My care team suggested the partial hospitalization plan (PHP), so I did an intake there.  Essentially a hospitalization but we were allowed to go home overnight because we had safe, supportive environments.   It was full days all week for three weeks, with group therapy, regular psychiatry consults, and education about mental health issues and some…

At the end of May I had a physical. Since I’ve been on anti-depressants (2001+) every time I see the doc I get to fill out a PHQ-9, and usually get some discussion about the state of my mental health. As usual, we talked quick about it, and moved on. But I stopped the doc…

In the fall of 2018 my son, our oldest child, went off to college. Many hour away. We’re so close I used to tell him that his leaving will be like losing a limb. When we did finally send him off it was really quite hard on me, but I moved on. I got to…

How long I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety I know that during middle school and high school I wrote moody poetry. I listened to “dark” music. And one day I was online talking to a friend and they misinterpreted something I said as a suicidal ideation. They went to their guidance counselor, who contacted…