a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
Category: Uncategorized
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Last day of PHP and I’m growing increasingly sad about being done. I don’t know what I thought I was going to accomplish here but I guess I was hoping for some sort of miracle. I met some amazing people and got some great therapy out of the therapists. I’m moving on to a day…
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It’s a modern looking pen. The thrust device (I looked up pen nomenclature) was unique, almost a button and a lever combined. Push the button, Click. Push the lever, Click. Click. Orange metallic with black highlights. Normal length for a pen, maybe a little bit thicker. I noticed it the other day. The click, that…
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Came home, went to bed. Likely screwed up tonight’s sleep but nowhere else felt good.
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Check it out, two posts in two days. Lucky you! My feet and legs looked like ribbons unfurling off a spool, and the curtains were paper blowing in the wind. And none of it was how it was supposed to be. – me, an hour ago. I knew something was wrong, going in. It was…
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It’s been quite a few months. I was able to count the life changes on one hand. Each finger represented a different change, any one of which would be major. A new job. A new home. Leaving a long term relationship. A waning Major Depressive Episode. A handful of changes any one of which would…
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It’s been over 7 months since I last posted. Quite a bit has happened, most of it good. At some point my therapy and recovery was for me. Not for therapists or for my family. Not for friends and not for doctors. For me. It. wasn’t immediate, but it was pretty quick. And it didn’t…
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But first, a quick update.. I’m told I’m doing better. I guess I can feel it. Makes the inside harder to deal with sometimes when the outside looks okay. Doing DBT, EMDR, Ketamine and regular therapy. VNS still zapping along. Mostly used to it, sometimes annoyed by it. Very often sounding like Saw Gerrera when…
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Yes, it’s been literally months since I posted anything. My writing light has dimmed. And it’s been a couple hard months, going from normal bad to very bad and back and forth. But not much new. Google says: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing is a form of psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980s…
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Honestly, virtual just isn’t real life. It’s easier, yeah, but that doesn’t make it better. The unhealthy side of me likes virtual so I can hermit better. But the other unhealthy side of me likes getting my Lattes in the drive through. I feel a bit like this was a bit of a pointless post,…
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If you have depression, you have depression. If you have anxiety, you have anxiety. Depression imposter syndrome feels very real to me, but I look at the evidence and feel how I’m feeling, and I’m assured it is real. Which is actually depressing, but that’s a different blog post. Don’t let those little shower (or…
a Scarlet D 