I saw my psychiatrist in passing the other day and we had a nice exchange of smiles and waves and both went on our way. Pretty typical, especially since I’m at the hospital often enough that I’m seeing my care team in passing.
What was different about this one was that this was the first time in at least a year that I saw a member of my care team, either by appointment or coincidence and didn’t have an immediate gut wrenching feeling of desperation. I didn’t instinctively want to throw myself at them and plead for a solution. There were times where simply seeing my primary doc or my therapist made me want to burst into tears for no reason. There were times where I just wanted them to lead me to check into the hospital.
It’s nice to have something feel “normal” again. But I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
a Scarlet D 
I feel for you, man. If this doesn’t work enough, maybe you should join one of the ketamine trials. There’s always something to try, and ways to deal with the adversity until you can find something else to try.
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Glad you’re feeling some ‘normality’ and it will get easier. And don’t wait ‘for the other shoe to drop’ – live, laugh, love and try to enjoy what you have for now.
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