a Scarlet D

The plan was:

• A PHP, remote from that same hospital  (on the intake call before starting I was answering the nurse’s questions before she finished asking them, I was so familiar with the system)
• Structure my days before the PHP starts, so I don’t just sleep and watch movies
• Follow that with a day program (fewer hours/ fewer days per week)
• Continue with the TRD clinic
• Ketamine treatments
• Continue to apply for the VNS
• Work with my regular therapist on identity, grief, and suicidality.  Because the referral never called me back.  And my therapist knows me really well.
• Continue with my MD, who will get suggestions from my extended care team
• Work on finding couples therapy for communication
• Live “the good life” with self discipline and compassion

I have described things in the past tense, especially from “before” but it isn’t really the past tense.  It’s all still there.  But there is a glimmer of hope, challenges to come, and a future I can think of. 

I’ll take it.

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