a Scarlet D

Today is the first anniversary of my suicide attempt. In just this past year alone I have:

• done an inpatient stay
• a partial hospitalization
• an intensive outpatient program
• started ketamine therapy
• a full course of ECT
• had a VNS surgically implanted
• started DBT
• applied for disability.
• Spent 75+ hours in therapy
• Spent 96+ hours in group therapy
• Changed medications at least a dozen times

(And a huge thank you and I love you to my wife. She was by my side for all of that.)

Three years ago last week I attended my first PHP, essentially marking this major depressive episode’s official start, though it was growing for months.

I have a wide variety of feelings this weekend. Hope is not high on the list, but I suppose it counts for something that it is on the list.

It’s been a long three years.