The plan was: A PHP, remote from that same hospital  (on the intake call before starting I was answering the nurse’s questions before she finished asking them, I was so familiar with the system) Structure my days before the PHP starts, so I don’t just sleep and watch movies Follow that with a day program…

I spent a lot of the weekend with calls with my siblings, my children off at school, my extended family, and the guys in my support group.  Two of them came over on Sunday to visit, which was nice.  I enjoyed quite a bit of porch time, which happily had not been spoiled by the…

Actually slept.  They had to wake me up.  I’m still insanely tired, but it’s just sleep deficit tired, and I know I can sleep it off over the next weeks.  Not so tired it hurts, like Thursday morning.  I want to go home to my own bed and wear belts again.  Oddly enough, that sounded…

I woke up tired to a painful level.  Desperate.  I shuffled down the hall, already shaking.  Vitals were taken and unsurprisingly my blood pressure was high.  Anxiety on full blast with a backup of absolutely wanting to die.  My nurse, however, was really nice and we had a good long check in, being honest as…

Awakened early from a poor sleep and was told breakfast was ready.  Getting dressed meant putting on my personal socks and the grippy socks over them.. I was chilly and didn’t mind the layers.  It also would hopefully help the fact that a middle aged guy was walking on hard floors without the usual orthopedic…

Physical Layout A virtual tour of the unit:  A long hallway with patient rooms on both sides.  17 laps down and back equals one mile.  You would occasionally see someone doing it, or even a handful of folks on a walk together.  There were plenty of phones with short cords scattered in the hall and…

In the morning they took my “ship” facemask and gave me a black one without straps.  I was allowed to take it off when I was sitting in my chair/area. It’s hard to remember exactly the events of the day, as I was rocking a severe sleep deficit and it was a long, boring day. …

Monday I had a virtual PHP call from 9 to 3.  Wife was coming home at 3, so I was just going to explain everything when I saw her.  I called the folks at the PHP and explained what happened, and they said I should go to the ER immediately.  I talked them into letting…

I’ve had many people ask me if when I woke up I thought “Thank God that didn’t work!”  Nope.  I felt a lot of things, but that wasn’t one of them.  Neither was there shame or regret.  I was angry it didn’t work, I was frustrated at the fact that my one good plan wasn’t…

Slept poorly, as usual.  I spent the day easily and quietly – except for the music lesson, which was quite loud, but did make me feel good for a moment.  I had hot dogs, hung out on the porch, and in the evening, I started the scotch again – it was so good!  Like drinking…