a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
about
Category: anxiety
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My therapist thinks I should check myself into the hospital for safety. Complicated. Last time I was in was an anxiety nightmare. Pass. Was referred for more TMS, got denied today because last time it made my depression worse. Also the VNS is problematic with the magnetics. Refuse to do ECT if they offer it.…
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The new PHP is going well. I’m getting something out of the group therapy sessions. I enjoy spending the time with people just as broken as me. Someone pointed out the other day that I appear to be running without filters or masks. I suppose they’re right. And it’s a bit refreshing. I’m still not…
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That’s probably the best way to describe it. The fact that it makes no sense sets the tone. It used to be easy. Wallow in The Hole with my depression. Let anxiety put me in a cage that make me want to freak out. That feeds the depression etc and so forth. They were separate…
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I realized it wasn’t hyperbole when I told my doctor that today was one of the worst days I can remember in years. I think it was the tears welling in my eyes. And I don’t do tears. A month of intensely stressful days at work on a large project that I feel partly responsible…
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When I feel anger it’s like a fire has been suddenly lit. It simultaneously spreads from my head and my chest to envelop my whole being.
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But first, a quick update.. I’m told I’m doing better. I guess I can feel it. Makes the inside harder to deal with sometimes when the outside looks okay. Doing DBT, EMDR, Ketamine and regular therapy. VNS still zapping along. Mostly used to it, sometimes annoyed by it. Very often sounding like Saw Gerrera when…
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After a particular discussion with my therapist, she decided she wanted me to do a “PTSD Checklist for DSM-5 “, or PCL-5. Now, I’ve taken so many mental health inventories that I thought this would be a breeze. Check a few boxes, circle some numbers, boom boom boom I’m all done. But when I opened…
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Honestly, virtual just isn’t real life. It’s easier, yeah, but that doesn’t make it better. The unhealthy side of me likes virtual so I can hermit better. But the other unhealthy side of me likes getting my Lattes in the drive through. I feel a bit like this was a bit of a pointless post,…
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If you have depression, you have depression. If you have anxiety, you have anxiety. Depression imposter syndrome feels very real to me, but I look at the evidence and feel how I’m feeling, and I’m assured it is real. Which is actually depressing, but that’s a different blog post. Don’t let those little shower (or…
a Scarlet D 