a Scarlet D
My mental health journey
Category: Uncategorized
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Today is the first anniversary of my suicide attempt. In just this past year alone I have: done an inpatient stay a partial hospitalization an intensive outpatient program started ketamine therapy a full course of ECT had a VNS surgically implanted started DBT applied for disability. Spent 75+ hours in therapy Spent 96+ hours in…
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Forever ago I found a cable knit sweater at Target. It was mustard colored and I loved it. It fit well, and it just had a sense of comfort. I went back and over a few weeks collected as many colors as I could find. Blue, green, beige. Sad I never found a red. The…
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Ironically, my “stuff” wasn’t that bad, as it usually was. I was talking philosophically about the pointlessness of life, using the example “I mean, what’s to stop us from just driving into the monument by the river and ending it all?”
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I’m traveling. It’s the same trip I took last fall just before my suicide attempt, just in the other direction. It has given me so much to think about from the past nine months. Hospitalization. Semicolon. A second round of electroconvulsive therapy. Ketamine therapy. Surgical implant of a Vagus Nerve Stimulator. Hours of therapy. So…
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(Gonna start with a quick apology for not writing in a while. My writing machine is not working well these days. Also, I’m just out of a Ketamine appointment so if there are misspellings or things that don’t make sense, I will refund the money you spent reading my posts..) A million years ago, give…
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I can’t remember the last time I felt this physically horrible, excepting legendary hangovers of the past. Perpetually awake, the insomnia just drags me through the night. Occasionally sleeping, only to awaken – wide awake for who knows how long. And then I wake up bright and early. Despite my near-legendary ability to sleep in…
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I have a bunch of things going on. Depression, some anxiety, med side effects like dizziness, GI issues, memory issues, and seasonal allergies on top of it all. The depression gets in the way of everything. If I have even the slightest little moment of “less bad” the depressive elements like fatigue, lack of motivation,…
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That was a long winded way to recommend both Big Fish and Little Fish, and maybe hints that Finding Nemo might be worth a watch. Big Fish is a movie that may make you cry with it’s happy ending. Little Fish gives you a sense of the challenges of memory loss. And could give you…
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I was middle aged, lightly active and physically average. Which is to say, I could walk five miles around a local lake without any difficulty. Quick to kid, always ready with a joke or a pun. Mind like a steel trap – able to remember the smallest details, people, places and things. Self taught, learning…
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I haven’t been driving, because I’ve been in the acute portion of ECT. That is, until last week. This week I switch to maintenance ECT once a week. And we’re gently re-introducing driving for me.
a Scarlet D 