Monday I had a virtual PHP call from 9 to 3.  Wife was coming home at 3, so I was just going to explain everything when I saw her.  I called the folks at the PHP and explained what happened, and they said I should go to the ER immediately.  I talked them into letting…

I’ve had many people ask me if when I woke up I thought “Thank God that didn’t work!”  Nope.  I felt a lot of things, but that wasn’t one of them.  Neither was there shame or regret.  I was angry it didn’t work, I was frustrated at the fact that my one good plan wasn’t…

Slept poorly, as usual.  I spent the day easily and quietly – except for the music lesson, which was quite loud, but did make me feel good for a moment.  I had hot dogs, hung out on the porch, and in the evening, I started the scotch again – it was so good!  Like drinking…

Wife was going out of town to see Daughter, leaving me alone for a long weekend. I call it a weekend because it’s just like every other day of the week, but there are more people around. This depressive episode is not the first, obviously, because after all, I’m a professional depressive. The people I…

When Saturday comes you’ll understand why it’s the anchor and “peak” low in this journal. Things had been getting steadily worse in the previous few weeks. I went from being in a major depressive episode with little hope to a safety-last, near catatonic state with extreme depression, mounting anxiety, and no hope whatsoever. I had…

. Yes, it’s not in alphabetical order. Use the search function in your browser to find what you’re looking for. Or just read them all, it’s not very long. Roles Inpatient : Treatment for someone who is admitted to a hospital (also see Outpatient). Outpatient : Treatment for someone who is not admitted to a…

Over the course of a week and a half in September 2021 I experienced an all time mental health low, but ended up in a different place, with a bit more perspective than I’ve had in a very long time. This is my memory, to be able to remember. Not just because I have memory…

I haven’t forgotten, I’ve just been writing this whole time. I may have gone a bit overboard, but I hope someone will get something out of it. It’s also for my own failing memory, to save the week’s journey so I can remember it later. I will be putting it out in chapters, so it’s…

I had one of the worst weeks of my life last week, but things are looking up! I’ve added to my maladies: Extreme dizziness/vertigo, muscle weakness, easily exhausted, and I’m unsteady on my feet. But even with all of that (which I’m hoping is temporary) I haven’t felt this good in a very very long…