Rather than 50,000 words, I’m going with a summary before the content:
- Still feel broken, like crap. Slow and thick in the mind and body
- Getting the booster vaccine today, so tomorrow might suck
- IOP is frustrating me with it’s endless clichés and soothing voices
- I have that sadness in my chest that makes it hard to take a full breath
- Anxiety is floating around back there somewhere but depression has a great seat in the bus. SI is still sulking in the back, but she keeps winking at me.
It’s not all bad though.
- I’m trying quite hard
- Also putting a lot of time into my freelancing, but with little traction
- No interesting updates on the VNS insurance coverage. Rejections followed by appeals
- Ever pressing onward
- Ketamine is still weekly, still trying to find that place that itches that spot in my brain and makes me existentially frightened and satisfied at the same time
But the real point of this post is the new med I’m beginning. I’m starting my Emsam patches Friday. It’s an MAOI and new acronym to add to the list.
Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) and reversible monoamine oxidase inhibitors (RIMAs) are a type of antidepressant drugs given for the treatment of depression. They are good at treating atypical depression, Parkinson’s disease, anxiety disorders, social phobia and have also shown to help people to stop smoking tobacco.
As MAOIs drugs can be fatal if someone takes too much, they are usually only ever given when other antidepressant drugs have failed. Some newer drugs such as selegiline and moclobemide have proven to be safer than the older MAOIs and are prescribed by physicians in the first instance.
-From Simple English Wikipedia
Because it’s a patch and a low dose, I don’t have to follow the dietary restrictions. Yet. They read like a menu of my favorite foods. I also had to flush the Prozac from my system for five weeks, so it’s been quite a while since anything changed or inspired me for a solution.
There is also a long list of potentially strong side effects. Some, most, or none of them may apply. But that makes me a bit nervous and excited to be trying an old school, powerful hammer of a drug. Maybe this one will make a difference. It makes me feel giddy like I’m on a scary rollercoaster. But this time it’s fun instead of horrifying.
With my booster and it’s potential after effects, plus Ketamine on Friday, and adjusting to the MAOI – it could make for an interesting weekend.
In the meantime I’ll be watching Moulin Rouge, and by the time I get to El Tango De Roxanne, things will be just that little bit better.
* I just found out there is an online encyclopedia for puns. Oh my.
a Scarlet D 