a Scarlet D

— Kay Redfield Jamison

I’m pretty sure I’m off my meds. Just some of them or 3/4 of them. Maybe. Given the symptoms or side effects or whatever I feel like it’s some of the new ones. I stock my pill cases monthly, and you never seem to run out on the same day. So even though you try and pay attention it’s insane trying to get it all right.

Yesterday I went through each daily pill case to verify what was supposed to be where, and what I was missing. I made it through two weeks. It was maddening, trying to remember which pills are which and what the prescriptions dictate – there are a few that we’re ramping up.

Today I created a spreadsheet listing the whole collection (28 pills a day) and showing a grid of the four weeks of pill cases (day and night) and I got through five days. I’m just so frutrated.

The obvious answer is one of those services (Amazon does it) that sends you little baggies with your meds in them. Lately however, my meds change often enough that they either couldn’t send me more than a week’s worth, or I’d be blowing a ton of money if they sent me a months worth only to have to rebuy anything that’s changed.

I feel helpless and like I’m damaging myself because I’m pill incompetant.