a Scarlet D

Just another post of complaints. Getting tired of that, among other things.

The med changes aren’t going well. I meet with the whole care team (GP included) this week and maybe we’ll sort it out. I don’t know or care so much anymore. Or I don’t know what to feel. The Mirapex has been a miracle for my restless less, which lets me sleep. And they won’t believe me but there are side effects (Mayo sourced) that are seriously messing with me. I’m tired of talking about it but I really want to talk about the worst one.

Technically this could be a combination with Valium (gets me to sleep) but that’s the only thing that addresses a very painful feature. I’m just mad and crestfallen writing all of that.

The worst part has been the fact that since thursday I’ve been having hallucinations. Worse on days with Valium, but they’re always there in some ways. Boat ride at the cabin involved ropes all over the lake, and swarms of small birds all over the place. I have been seeing something like shadow people. Again, at the cabin, companion sitting at the puzzle table and I’m behind her and notice someone standing next to me. Dark, brown figure and of course when I look over, it’s gone. But hoodie wearing guys leaning up against a doorjam or just animals where they shouldn’t be.

I know they’re not there, and I”ve had auditory hallucinations for a while now. But these are vivid enough that I’m scared some day I won’t know they’re not real.

And now there’s a fucking cat on my chair. Or not.