a Scarlet D

I had a call with my psychiatrist today to catch up on meds after my trip. I’m all refilled up for three weeks, and back to where I was before my trip. (I had run out of a few things upon returning, so we’re stabilizing back to my current regimen.). This list is for your knowledge, but also for my memory, so I can come back and see how good or bad things were.

Not a med, but a device, my VNS. We’re looking to set up surgery with one of the neurosurgeons to remove my VNS. It needs to be completely removed if we’re to proceed with the Deep Brain Stimulation. Right now I have the phone number to call but I really really want to talk to my TRD clinic psychiatrist first since he’s the champion of me and DBS. It just seems weird to be able to call and schedule scary (to me) surgery just like I’d call to schedule a root canal. Anyway, it’s coming out and it’s going to be weird not having it.

Since you didn’t ask..

Morning Meds

cyclobenzaprine – Muscle relaxant to combat my shoulder and neck pain. Weaning off of it as things have gotten better. Intended for my trip, as the shoulder would get worse when driving. All is well. No side effects.

pramipexole – This is partly for my tremor and partly for my restless legs syndrome. The RLS was so bad it was like being in bed but running in place. It would also progress from legs to arms. I find it hard to describe what that felt like. Tingling, fire, pins&needles and big twitching. In any case, pramipexole killed my RLS. It stood over the rotting corpse of my RLS, smoking gun in hand. The feeling of going to sleep without the strong fear that it’s going to start any second, and that would be the end of the night for sleep. The AM dose is tiny, it’s the “ramp up” dose until we get to a therapeutic level, can’t remember what that is. These pills are like sand they’re so tiny. Too soon to tell on side effects, but I have read some horrible things on the Internet about this drug. Mostly longer term stuff, but scary nonetheless.

armodafinil – Stimulant to take me out of zombie mode. Definitely working, though I am still dissociating a lot, I’m more functional. Gotta say though, today’s getting-up-and-showering routine just about killed me. Exhausting. Side effects are that it’s a stimulant.

bupropion (Wellbutrin) – Anti depressant. This has been with me since 2001, and apparently doing something. I went off it for a long weekend due to a refill slip, and by Monday I was out of my mind. So it may not be making things better, but it keeps them from getting worse. Side effects: I’ve gotten used to all of them and don’t even remember what they were. Although there was one negative lifestyle side effect, but I have meds for that now..

And that’s the morning! Add two herbal horse pills for prostate health, a giant 1-a-day vitamin, and a vitamin D gel bubble, and you’ve got yourself a handful!

Midday

Nope. Don’t have the pill holder space, and I would never remember to take them.

Bedtime

Some of these are meant for a few hours before bedtime, but for me that’s like saying wipe your nose 15 minutes before you sneeze.

pramipexole – This is the base, two pills at .5 while the morning ramp up are .125s. See above for info

valium/klonopin – Meant to help get me to sleep. Klonopin chills me out but doesn’t just knock me out. Valium knocks me out faster than NyQuil can be swallowed, but it also makes me a bit of a zombie during the day, and causes hallucinations. I think I wrote about those. The shadowy figures, conversations in the next room, something about otters? So we’re moving off Valium and back to Klonopin. Side effects for both: Zombie-ism. See Armodafinil for contrast.

klonopin – Again? No. When I’m off the valium and on the Klonopin at night, I’ll be able to use this as a PRN for anxiety again. Right now I don’t have anything serious that won’t just put me to sleep. So it’ll be good to have my little yellow friends again. Limited use in that I can’t drive after taking one, but I’m not always going to be driving. Side Effects: Zombie.

lithium – This is a bipolar med, primarily. Stole this, don’t tell anyone: “Lithium is a proven mood stabilizer often used to treat bipolar disorder and major depression. It is highly effective for “treatment-resistant depression” (when typical antidepressants fail) and is one of the only medications clinically proven to significantly reduce the risk of suicide.” It’s that last word that they’re targeting. I can’t tell you if it’s working. Side Effects: Acne (regular), cystic acne (painful, scarring, itching, ugly, and more painful), Tremor (hate this one almost as much as the cystic acne, mostly in my hands, worse in my right. Also shows up in my legs when doing stairs.), and Brain Fog. Maybe. That could just be me and my ECT. If I could drop any drug, this would be top of the list.

gabapentin – three large capsules at bedtime, or whatever I need as a PRN during the day. Treats RLS and Anxiety. Side effects: Chill mood, drowsiness. My sister was visiting and we were chatting, then she went to an online meeting. I had taken a PRN of these and when she came back she said “this <waving hand around me> is very different, what happened? So apparently people can tell if you take it.

trazodone – Treats insomnia, anxiety, and major depressive disorders. This is the base that gets me to sleep, but the valium / klonopin kick starts it. Side Effects: I want to blame my blurred vision on it, but it’s been so nice to me. (Blurred like actual blurry, squinting doesn’t help, glasses don’t help, doesn’t happen all the time but often enough that it pisses me off.)

We’ll also chuck a chewable vitamin C into the bedtime bin, as well as Magnesium and whatever I can shift from the morning to the evening to make the pill box able to close. Like moving the 1-a-day or the prostate thing to the night bin. Although the night one is usually so full I considering doing it in two handfuls. I’m really good at taking pills. Like, really good. 1 pill? I can dry swallow it or take it with the amount of dew that collects on a large leaf. Half a dozen normal sized pills? Pretty much a gulp of water is all it takes. For some of these handfuls though, it’s a full glass of water and I’m going to swallow a few times. Haven’t met a handful of pills I couldn’t take in one go. Worth noting I have had times where I took a whole lot of pills in a non-therapeutic way, and still got them down with one glass of water. Looking back, maybe the handful should have been bigger..

PRN

gabapentin – Mildish anxiety med

klonopin – The Big Hammer when it comes to my anxiety meds

trazodone – When it’s an hour later and I’m still wide awake

propranolol – For those “heart attack” feeling anxiety attacks.

ketamine – Ok, not a PRN, but a weekly therapy. But it’s in my prescriptions, so..